Woody had it right–do you?

On January 1, 1943, Woody Guthrie jotted in his journal a list of 33 “New Years Rulin’s.” Nowadays, we’d call them “New Year’s Resolutions”. Family, song, taking a political stand, personal hygiene — they’re the values or aspirations that top his list.

1. Work more and better

Do what you do, but better.

2. Work by a schedule

Random shit is random. Make a plan, do it.

3. Wash teeth if any

If you have teef, do it.

4. Shave

This is actually gender-neutral.

Shaving Cream, be nice and clean, Shave every day and you’ll always look keen.

5. Take bath – Good advice regardless of political affiliation.

6. Eat good — fruit — vegetables — milk – we are still in an age in which this is an item of debate, but I am of the mind that a balanced diet is good for mind, spirit, and soul.

7. Drink very scant if any

This is an obvious reference to teh booz, and very relevant and appropriate advice.

8. Write a song a day

Or whatever your muse pushes.

9. Wear clean clothes — look good

Honestly, change out your underwear daily.

10. Shine shoes

OK, we are in the post-shoeshine era, safely ignore.

11. Change socks

But we are not in the post-clean-socks era.  Gezus, change those stanky thangs.

12. Change bed cloths often

Once  a week maximum. If your favorite cat won’t sleep with you, it’s time.

13. Read lots good books

I will allow e-books and blogs and podcasts.

14. Listen to radio a lot –  ok, podcasts belong here instead..

15. Learn people better – people is a weird concept to me but I agree.

16. Keep rancho clean – um don’t sleep in your own shit?  Good advice.

17. Dont get lonesome – this is the tough one. Find friends, I guess.

18. Stay glad – easily done when you are working for your brother man.

19. Keep hoping machine running – tough assignment.

It was hard in 1943 to keep that machine running, though, so I will assume that after we slew the Nazis that it is somewhat easier to keep that machine running.

20. Dream good – this is somewhat of a hard assignment, but I assume Woodie meant that we should dream of a better world and then work towards it. Because otherwise what’s the point.

21. Bank all extra money – might have been possible for Woody Fucking Guthrie but for the  rest of use, “extra money” is a somewhat sad amount. Of course, this was written before certain laws where enacted that made it impossible for Mere Mortals to  sock some cash away.

22. Save dough – see 21.

23. Have company but don’t waste time – when you’re an entertainer it’s hard to separate social obligations from useful connections.

24. Send Mary and kids money – um yeah take care of your obligations. Honestly this should be #1. Shame, Woody.

25. Play and sing good – Professional goals.

26. Dance better – Social and personal goals.

27. Help win war — beat fascism – This was 1943, but I gotta say, beating the Fascists is taking longer than he might have anticipated.

28. Love mama
29. Love papa

Honor your elders, but, more importantly, love them.

30. Love Pete – No relation to Bob.

31. Love everybody – Relation to everybody.

32. Make up your mind – It is important that a person is not just floating around, even if that appears to be the only choice available.

33. Wake up and fight – What happens around you is not “just politics”. It is your life, and the live of your descendants.

The Conservative Worldview is Anathema to the Internet

A few weeks ago, some fuckstick Thought Leader of the #gamerGate movement got his Trusted status removed by Twitter because he was abusive. This is not my opinion, it’s his own admission. He admits to being abusive on Twitter, and wants that to be endorsed by Twitter.

To be clear: he’s still allowed to post, abuse, whatever those little douchcanoes do on Twitter – he can still do it.

But he no longer bears the mark of a trusted poster on Twitter. That’s it. His user icon no longer has a little blue checkmark overlaid on it. That’s the extent of the Liberal Machine’s impact on his ability to spew offal into your face.

And that really pissed him off.


Monkeyballs himself showed up at the White House (not White Horse) to actually spring the question at an official press conference as to what the Obama administration thought of fine sociopaths like himself being censored by such Liberal Establishments and what the Administration thought of this methodical silencing of the Conservative Movement.

Unfortunately for us, the Press Secretary didn’t call him names and insult his mother on national TV. But he sure looked like he wanted to.

So let’s be clear on this, Righties. The culture of the Greater Internet has no place for you right now. Our Nation operates on principles that are somewhat more egalitarian than Conservative wisdom itself would be able to tolerate.

The reason you feel that the Internet is censoring you is because we ARE. We have no room for you or your pathetic worldview. And we are showing you the door. Site by site, forum by forum, we’re cleaning up and pushing you out of our venues.

Oh, don’t worry. You still have the right to express yourself. We’re not going anywhere near your Klan meetings, or your Lynching parties, or your book burnings. You can have those. Enjoy, as only a Conservative can.

But the Internet is ours. And we will continue to defend it.

Someday you’ll grow up and understand that it’s possible to be in favor of small government and financial conservatism without also being in favor of bullying, inequality among peers, and religious intolerance. And when that happens, we’ll welcome you back to our ranks, and we will each benefit from your returning to the ranks of Humanity.

But right now, your worldview sucks and you’re just not welcome as long as you bring that to table. Sorry.

Some would say that this methodical exclusion of Conservative cockwaffles is itself a form of bullying.  Well … no it isn’t. Listen, I’ve been bullied. I know what it’s like.  You’re being excluded, not bullied. Totally different thing.  I’ve also been excluded, and it feels totally different. Lot less bleeding, for one thing.